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Thursday, January 16, 2020

The C Word

I keep sitting down to write this post but I just never really know how to word things.
Sure I announced it already briefly on Facebook and Instagram however
things always feel more personal here on my beloved blog
so I am just going to rip the band-aid off...
because I am still in complete surreal shock that the "C" word is now suddenly part of our life!
My amazing gorgeous husband was diagnosed with high-grade aggressive cancer on December 12,
the day after his 44th birthday.
That's why I haven't been blogging.  That's why I may continue to post sporadically.
Absolutely everything is upside down.
We've had months on end of awful bad luck...it feels like someones put a curse on us honestly!!!
This has had a tectonic effect on our lives as much as we don't want to admit that it hasn't.
Everything feels surreal...everything normal feels wrong even though he wants normal.
We have done everything right, we don't smoke, drink, eat meat etc etc etc...
why us?  why him??
I am full of anger like never before...
I am having a hard time being near anyone who gets to move on with life normally without cancer...
which really essentially feels like everyone!  I keep counting just how many people I know and
it's striking me over & over again just how many people don't have to go through this and it's
making it even more difficult to not constantly ask "Why Jonathan", "Why Us?"
I just don't understand and I am feeling extremely alone and completely exhausted already.

It started back in September with a foot injury.
That foot injury a week later lead to two pulmonary embolisms
which landed him in the Critical Care Unit
where he could have died had one of those clots went to his heart instead of his lungs.
They did SO many tests.  They took SO much blood...we thought that was the scariest part.
When we walked out of there weary but saying "Atleast we know you don't have any kind of cancer".
But the problems kept coming.  Then there were blood thinners.
And countless more visits to the ER, ACU & CDU...
Doctors started throwing around the word Cancer around November & we just didn't believe them.
But then a scope (which should have been done last February and I think we should sue our old doctors for negligence!) showed a tumor growing on the lower left inside of his bladder.
That's all I am going to say today...we are smack dab in the middle of the story now.
Two resections have been done already.  They've been really hard,
especially because my honey has a high tolerance to pain-meds & nothing really helps him..
It's also been an endless torturous amount of waiting on results...that continues...
The fear is paralyzing.
I am tired of everyone telling me 'not to worry'...it's cancer, it's the scariest thing we've ever faced.
But as my love says "we're going to fight like a rabbit to beat this fucken thing".
And because he wants 'normal' I am trying to get into my studios and work but really I just find I sit there and stare off into space...wondering over and over again "Why Us"...
Why him?  There we were happily as can be, not wanting anything more than our time together,
to be in our cozy little home together, with our family of rescue rabbits...WHY US???
Knowing that cancer is completely indiscriminate and random doesn't help out whatsoever.

Wednesday, December 11, 2019


Happy Happy Birthday to the love of my life...to my everything...to my bunny daddy supreme...

I know it's been a hell of a year...I got you...you got me...forever x 2 to infinity.  Happy 44th my love.

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Barnaby's Surgery

Our little wild wookie Barnaby Fizz went through his neuter surgery yesterday.  He's healing well.
Any surgery for a rabbit is dangerous because of how fast their precious hearts pump BUT

It's SO important to get your rabbits 'fixed' because their chances of reproductive cancers are so
much higher without & their hormones rule their little bodies so so strongly & unkindly if you don't.

Monday, December 9, 2019

An Oldie

Look at the old painting I found tucked away in our garage this past summer...

I did this back in high school during my Picasso obsession...too funny ha ha!

Sunday, December 8, 2019

My Half Lop Love

All of the rabbits are special and amazing in their own very unique way, we love them all...

but my Misa, oh my sweet little half-lop love, she is a best friend to me, she's extraordinarily special.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

Missing My Spaces

With so much going on health wise I haven't been in my studio much lately...
I miss it terribly, both of my studios, I feel kinda guilty about that but it's the truth, I miss my work.

 I haven't been able to concentrate on anything lately for all our health worries but I am seeing that
I have to get in there for a bit somehow very soon for my own sanity, I am just not me without it!

Friday, December 6, 2019

Happy 26th Babe

He's my everything...my absolute everything...all I want and all I need.
We are anxious to see the back end of 2019 honestly for it's been a very hard year for us health wise.

We are trying to concentrate on the good stuff...in October we celebrated our 26th Anniversary.
To be perfectly honest, 26 million years with this amazing human being wouldn't be enough for me.

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Lydia & Her Room

Lydia and I are trying to figure out where to put our little pink Xmas tree this year...

Desk space is at a premium & we do have to keep light cords away from those nibbly teeth!

Monday, November 25, 2019

Sunday, November 24, 2019

Epic Forts

Sometimes you just have to build your rabbits epic room sized blanket/box forts...

and after your done that, you have to make time to crawl in there with them too of course.

Saturday, November 23, 2019

Peach Petal Perfection

Some days are just about getting through the day with as much gratitude as possible despite the pain

Some days are just about breathing & basking in the perfection of the peach petals in front of you.

Thursday, November 21, 2019

Teela's Portrait

I revisited the portrait I did of Teela.
There was something about it that felt unfinished and I realized what was needed...

She needed some of the pink & purple from the background.  Now I am in complete love with it.
This one is just for me.  I don't know if I'll be offering prints etc or not, we'll see.

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

A Black Hat

Did I ever show you guys the hat I crocheted?  I can't really crochet well at all

but I did stumble my way through a pattern, added some buttons and I am pretty happy with it.

Tuesday, November 19, 2019

Cozy With Green

My oh my life is cozy when you bask in green goodness
(and fresh new Sakura Micron Ink Pens)!

Green in my belly...Green outside aplenty...Green all over the house.
I cozy up to green as often as I can, how about you?

Monday, November 18, 2019

Huey The Woodpecker

So years ago we had to get a big 40 or 50 foot dying tree cut down in our back yard
but we asked the tree guys to leave like 15 feet of the stump and here's why...

Huey our woodpecker.  He comes every year and he chips away at the dead stump
and finds lots of food in there.  It's so satisfying & amazing to watch him, he works so hard to live.

Sunday, November 17, 2019

Thanks For The New Roofs Dad & Hon

Our biggest project this past summer was our house & garage roof...phew what a job that was.
But it feels so good to get it done because we were having some water problems last Spring and
we are so grateful to my Dad who worked tirelessly with my honey in the blaring sun, rain & cold

My Dad & honey work super well together so that's awesome & there were some pretty epic skies.
I hauled shingles to the trailer but I did do some shingle stripping on the garage (during a migraine!) and I am glad I did because it really really made me appreciate how much work it all was, yikes.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

Upcoming Linos

Here's a sneak peek at some of my next linos...these guys are all pretty big.

I am already done 2 of them & I can't wait to show you & get some editions listed.

Friday, November 15, 2019

A Home For The Pain

Just a day back in summer when I had a wretched time with like a two week migraine...
I was hiding from the sun during the day & looked forward to dimly lite time on the deck at night.

Other people might not 'get' this house of ours but it embraces us so fully.
We both work so very hard making this place cozy for exactly these kind of pain-riddled times.

Wednesday, November 13, 2019

Red Wings

This is one of my favorite all time photos from this past summer.

I saw some birds I've never seen before, like this amazing red beauty.