Hiding & Heart Warmth

I am still 'hiding out' to nurse my sore heart...

I am still struggling & trying to navigate my days and time without my Ella Luna...

The last 2 years has revolved completely around her...

But even when she was perfectly healthy I didn't like being without her for long, nor she from me.

Some days seem better but it's still a game of quickly side-stepping around pitfalls of despair...

The house feels empty. I feel somewhat brittle.

Part of the way I get through my losses is lots of time alone,

hiding in the house and yard, with Jon & the other buns. 

I have the luxury to do so and for that I am so grateful because it really is my way to heal.

Those very close to me know this is my way, they know I am not answering the phone,

They know not to push me because even though they may not understand it,

they know our grief is very deep...that we've lost a family member.

I am so grateful to my partner.  His strength is my strength.

I am so glad for Roo, he is my gentle giant & forever Ella's boy.

I am happy for Jin & Jaks who are being good to Roo & offering him lots of kisses on the couch & bed.

I am so grateful for my parents who cry when I cry.

I am grateful for my beautiful friends Jules, Aline, Judit & Maria,

who are patiently there for me, letting me cry or waiting gently for me if I need them.

I am so very grateful for the gentleness of complete strangers & online friends.

We've gotten so many beautiful notes expressing sympathies about our beautiful Ella Bella.

It would appear that Ella Luna was a star of sorts on my blog & many got to know her through my posts.

A couple of very special friends sent beautiful little notes through the mail
that wrapped my heart in warmth (surprises in my mailbox cheer me up no matter whats going on).

It's all been a balm to my heart.

Thank you all.

I'll get back to 'it' soon, I promise.

I just need abit more time.

Love Mandy