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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Feeling Quiet

Sometimes it's nice just to work & be creative & not worry about showing everyone on Instagram etc

what your doing every single day...there's power in the quiet, in the flow, in the secret-like stuff...

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

RIP Elsie Biggens

Our beautiful Elsie girl died in my arms on August the 5th.
We thought we were just going in for another check up on her breathing problems
but that we would be bringing her back home.
Everything happened so quickly...we brought her in because she stopped eating
all together just that morning and she just would not at all let us give her critical care.
We were just there at the doctors, she was quite active, she started to nudge the doctor
than suddenly she jumped up into my arms, which is very unlike her, and from there it all went horribly wrong.  Her breathing got super bad, so we brought her into the operating room to hold oxygen to her face, Henrie was with us all by her side, we than tried to so an x-ray but her breathing got worse and the 2nd time we put her back on oxygen it just became compeltely clear that she wasn't going to get better, she was struggling to breathe and I decided it was time to help her pass
but the doctor didn't even have time to get the injection,  I was holding her, she was calm but
clearly struggling for breathe, I kissed her, told her it was okay to let go that we would take care of her boy, that she was so strong and so good and that we loved her so so much and than she was gone.

The doctor thinks it was after all as the original diagnosis was, a huge tumor growing inside her chest wall surrounding her heart and airway because after being on meds for two months,
he feels that punemoia would have gotten better not worse and the way she was acting at the end
indicated the story we were were more scared of, cancer.

It's our 3rd loss in a year and a half, it's been feeling like I just can't do it anymore.
I'll forever miss holding her hand...we always held hands, my Elsie girl and I.
On the very first day we brought her home and I realized she liked having her front paw held,
I would sing her that song "I just want to hold your hand, Elsie...I want to hold your hand"
and could tell and feel that she loved it...it was our special thing.
I am so glad I got to be her mommy and I promise her that we'll take stellar care of her Henrie.
She was pure perfect love and we are better happier people for having known and cared for her.
She will always be part of my happy heart and joyful spirit, I'll carry her beauty in me forever.

Friday, August 4, 2017

A Tiny Break

Hi guys, I am sorry for missing a bunch of posts this week, I've been sick with a flu,
have had bad allergies and head pain to contend with and mostly our Elsie girl isn't doing so well...

I'm feeling the need to withdraw a bit, I am feeling quiet & just want to be fully present with my fam,
so I am going to take a teeny tiny blog break, probably just until August 14th.  Thanks XO.