It Would Have Been Her Day

I know I may seem normal, I am back to instagraming, to blogging (not quite to the studios yet)

and no doubt there is beauty and love ricocheting off the walls in our little home...

but there's still a massive hole, that we have to mostly try our best

to ignore right now for self-preservation,

if we don't we'll fall into it's gaping all consuming black despairing depths...

so we're doing our best to concentrate on all that love bouncing around us still.

 

 

Today would have been her 4 year homecoming...

on this day 4 years ago we adopted her, our first shelter baby, our sunshine, our Tee-Tee & baby girl.

She was only 5...she should have lived another 5 at least...she was so healthy, until she was not.

I miss absolutely every thing about her, so much so that I can't breathe and I feel weak in the knees.

Especially our nightly snuggles...without them, without her, I am not 100% me.

I miss you baby girl. Forever.

Still Sore

I am still feeling sore to be completely honest.

Some days I still feel like falling to my knees.

Some days the pain is still so deep it takes my breathe away.

To everyone from the outside he was just a rabbit.

To us he was joy and sunshine and part of our heartbeat.

He was life and light and happiness and contentment all in one perfect beautiful furry body.

Now he's ashes and dust...

just like that...

he was here and now he's gone

but that's shockingly how it goes isn't it.

He's in a plain black box on my favorite rocking chair that gets the morning & afternoon sunlight...

as much as it kills to look at that box, we just can't tuck it away with the others quite yet....not yet.

 

 

We're still desperately missing every single little itty bitty thing about him...

the shape of his fuzzy ears, how his eyes changed colour from dark grey to light blue.

All the times we'd stretch out on the floor with him, trying to stay quiet, trying to contain the

laughter bubbling up from our tummies,

laughter born from the simple joy and sheer preciousness of having

our hands resting on his warm sweet tummy as he slept deeply & ran & ate in his delicious dreams.

The goofy little dances he'd do when we'd bring him his dinner.

The utter bliss in his eyes whenever Yuuji would groom him.

Everything...we're missing everything, for what is feeling like every minute of the day.

We are both missing our best friend.

We are both feeling disconnected from everything even though loveliness is abundant...

like when your sick and it feel like there's two parts of you that are just not moving in rhythm...

know what I mean?  Hmmm....maybe you don't,

but regardless, this is where I am....happy but sad...sad but happy...missing my Frenwyck

(I even miss saying his name!)

 

How are you doing these days?