I am Back!

Hey guys, sorry for that really long unplanned absence.

I am back and my goodness I've missed this blog of mine!

I was away for a few reasons but the main one was just simply that

life has been kicking my ass lately!

Long story short,

my migraine life got really bad and at the same time I took part in the Migraine Summit

which was pretty overwhelming for me as I don't think I've ever fully accepted how much

my life as a migraineur affects me, so for lack of better words,

I kinda went into a mourning for lost dreams (more on that later on).

Than I let all kinds of stress from all kinds of directions hit me and pile up

and my body got pretty darn sick let me tell you...I ended up in the hospital on two occasions

and just a couple weeks ago was experiencing a very scary heart issue...all due to stress.

Another big point of stress for me has been being a vegan in a very cruel uncaring non-vegan world

(more on that later too for that's a pretty big issue!).

I have also been diagnosed with a new thing that I am not quite ready to chat about yet

as I am still accepting it and processing it...it's nothing horrible, just something I'll have to deal with.

Than our Flynn got very sick for about a month & we thought we would lose him.

And this happened not even a month after we lost our Henrie to a heart attack.

And in between all of that my sweet sweet man has been having problems with his ears

and we've been dealing with long sleepless nights on the floors etc with stasis and gas

in mostly Leisel and Misa, who are prone to these problems...

Life with so many rescues is always rewarding but hardly ever very easy.

But I am feeling Spring full now...I am soaking in the birdsong...

looking forward to a new season with hopefully very little drama and losses

and a new season with a much stronger grip on how I let stress rattle me!

So start visiting me here again okay...I am back...and I have so much to share XOXO

It Takes Tenacity

I've been having such a hard time with my head-pain the past 2 or 3 weeks especially.
Migraines are SO physical but they are weird because they are invisible to everyone.
As much as you want people to understand your invisible physical torment they just can't
& it's all on you and you alone to get through it.
You have to jump through mental hoops to get yourself through
and often we're tackling those hoops freshly every single time.
I've been thinking about how I live and get through my days with all the pain,
not physically so much but emotionally...how am I am still a joyful person despite all the hardship?
I think one of my tricks to still being a happy person despite this physical hardship of mine is that

I never take for granted, no matter how many 100's of times I am stuck in a dark bedroom etc

those first hours when I can actually open my eyes and look at sunlight without stabbing pain,

When I can walk slowly in my beloved gardens & bend over to smell the flowers.

Where I don't want to puke when I inhale the air thick with beautiful lilacs.

Or most important of all, when I can get down to snuggle the buns and play with my hon or when I can get into my studio & actually look forward to work, no matter how short or long that may be.

I know all the little beauties that make me happy & which keep me afloat and I surround myself
with them & I rely very heavily on them during all parts of my pain, before, after & during.

It takes an awful lot of tenacity this life with chronic pain.

Life with chronic & acute pain is hell...there is currently no escape...

there is nothing I am doing wrong,
that's the misconception with migraines and headaches that I find so frustrating.

People are just trying to be sweet & helpful when they suggest that it's my diet or an allergy etc...

but migraines come from a misfiring in the brains network...

when the walls of certain blood vessels contract & detract & why they do so is unknown

and so there is currently no cure only pain management & for many of us nothing helps.
Yes, for sure there are triggers for the pain but most head pain sufferers know their triggers
and trust me on this, we avoid those triggers like the plaque if we can but my biggest trigger is
the weather & barometric pressure, the one thing there's no way to escape or avoid whatsoever!

So may I kindly ask you to keep in mind the next time your near someone with a sore head,
don't offer us diet advice or ask if they've tried Feverfew or the newest Advil etc...
(YES, I am on Feverfew...and Magnesium and CoQ10 and B's etc etc etc)

Don't praise the benefits of acupuncture or massage or tantric yoga!!!
(because most of us have tried everything under the sun!)

Just offer us a glass of flat ginger ale for our nausea tums...keep the rooms dark and quiet...
don't get mad at us or make us feel bad if we have to cancel plans on you,

just check in on us every once in awhile so we don't spiral in the lonesomeness,
maybe leave us a beautiful healthy pot of soup at the door...

offer us an ice pack to wrap around our neck and bring us a hot water bottle for our eyes...

give us a little hug, a pat on the back, admiration for our tenacious spirits

and count your lucky lucky stars that you don't suffer to!

Thank Goodness For These Faces During Rough Spots

I am moving slowly this week from a monster migraine that attacked Friday afternoon &

didn't let me go until late Sunday afternoon, I can still feel the remnants...

Thanks goodness for the buns who bolster my spirits as I suffer with their beauty & preciousness.

It's still threatening to circle back around which is one reason I am moving slowly.

My routine is certainly not like most peoples and I still haven't learnt to fully accept that yet.

Whiles it's a waste of time to wish this pain away, it's never a waste of time to see all the silver linings which is that this pain I deal with offers my life magic too, it slows me down so that I can smell all the roses and it plays a large part in my colourful whimsical work, so whiles I can't ever ever say that
I like the pain, I can for sure I am in some strange Wonderland-ish way be thankful for it!

& I gotta say though, it's been great 'meeting' fellow head pain sufferers on Instagram.

Best Not To Think Of It!

I lost my whole weekend to a super bad migraine...I mean bad bad...

like on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst...Friday night I was at a 12 and I just couldn't

get to the hospital if I tried, let alone sit there in the emerg for goodness knows how long!

I wish so much there was a special protocol for migraine sufferers, there's enough of us out there!

It started easing up around Sunday 6pm but I've had to move like snail since then

as every time I forget and I move at a normal pace, the throbbing starts and threatens again...sigh...

I've been feeling blue to tell you the truth...how much time & energy I loose to this chronic pain...

Oh my fighting spirit is just on a hiatus, it will return, but until it does, it's best not to think of it!!!

A Note On Pain

The problem with suffering from migraines and headaches is that they are completely silent,
They are invisible, they wreck havoc in a place that absolutely no one outside of 'the circle' can see.
There is no cure, only pain management and for some of us, nothing helps, 

especially when your like me & suffer from several kinds of migraines/headaches.

Over the years I've developed a pretty high working/functioning pain threshold,
but it all depends on where the pain hits, if it's throbbing all across the back of my head
but an 8 on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the worst) I can often function and get things done
(alongside nausea, willpower and knowing I'll pay later but I can often forge through).
BUT if the pain hits in my right eye for example and only on a scale of say 2,
I'll probably have to lay down in dark with heat and cold all day until it passes.

I do my best with this life full of chronic and acute pain
and in a round about way (which I explain in more depth on my website's About page)
I feel like I lead an even more beautiful life because of the pain...
I must seek the silver lining as much as possible
because it makes all the pain that I can't escape just a bit easier.
I've said it before and I'll say it again, if you don't suffer from chronic pain,
if you don't have things holding you back physically
than grab life by the balls and be super duper grateful
because thousands of head-pain sufferers like me, no matter how tenacious,
no matter how big and proud and strong our hearts and spirits, we often just can't.

A Bun Snuggling Kind Of Day

You can only push against pain so long and so much before you have to slow down

(especially when your doing so without meds!) 

It's not in my nature to be lazy but sometimes you just have to rest and lay around...

 

 

I am always telling my babies to just 'rest their precious bodies' so I took my own advice today

and it was a bunny snuggling, cozy under blankets, watching tv kind of day....

back at it tomorrow hopefully!

Snippets of Sketching

I've been thinking about how artists work with different ailments

& for me when migraines hit, sketching is the perfect thing for me to do.

I can do it curled up in bed, stretched out on the couch or in short snippets at the living room table...

 

 

Or whiles I keep sweet company with the buns on the floor...this recent batch is all about bunnies,

I am so excited about them (I am literally toting them around the house with me!)

but am completely stuck on what medium to tackle them in!  I am sure you'll see them soon though.

Colouring Pages & Chronic Pain

I am doing my very best...my absolute best...

but head pain is thwarting me everyday for almost 3 weeks straight now.

But, from the couch & bed & in pain-filled periods at my desks,

in tiny little increments of stolen time,

I've sketched out quite a few new images which I am so so excited about.

 

 

 I am also working on the next couple of month's colouring pages.

They are looking pretty adorable & are inspired by the babies keeping me company.

Unfortunately because of this headache that won't leave me alone

my studio news will be a few days late because I just can't sit at my computer for long,

let alone scan pictures in, get work photographed, etc...bear with me kind souls, as you always do.

Today

Today is calling loud and clear for advil and codeine, hot water bottles and loads herbal tea... 



 

And a stubborn attitude to fight the pain as I spend time with my sketchbook as jazz floats about me.

Teeny Tiny Blog Break

I've started to feel like things are piling up uncomfortably.

When your a head pain sufferer, your always falling behind, three steps forward, 2 back kinda deal.

I am feeling the need to concentrate, sort out and replenish some personal and work things...

 

 

so I hope ya don't mind but I am going to take a short teeny tiny little blog break.

Until June 17th I think (or maybe before, you know I have a hard time staying away!)

p.s. I'll probably still be using Instagram though if you wanna keep in touch there till I am back

Stubborn-ness Wins Out!

Whether head pain wants to keep me from my studio or not

I refuse to not get my studio e-news out!

 

 

So stubborn-ness and determination wins out in the end!...it was just mailed out.

I hope you'll sign up for it if you don't already receive it. Sign up is just there on the right, see it?

Peace & Pain

Sorry for disappearing there for a few days!  Posts may be a smidge sporadic this week, we'll see.

Head pain has been really bad.

I had a great two week run with next to nothing but the last 5 days have been really rough.

 

 

So time in the studios is being spent as well as it can possibly be spent!

The rest of the time I've mostly been snuggling it up with the buns...

cause for me, when I am dealing with this much pain, not much else is more soothing.